The day didn’t start the way it should have done. I woke up. Took a shower. Listened to the radio for a bit. Checked my emails. Then left the apartment at near 730am. But this time, I was alone.
I stood by the front door. Listening to the silence. Accepting the new life, without her.
We fought. We fought. Then we fought some more. There was too much crying and disappointments of our two hearts, every day. We weren’t sure why and how this came about between us. But it had happened. It surely seemed a very sudden development. However, our friends and family knew it was building up to a peak for a long time.
Now that she’s not here with me, in the same dwelling, why did I feel so empty without her? The fighting should have made me relieved and glad that we were not separate individuals now. Going forward with my life should be easier.
But it’s not.
I sigh everyday, every hour. I never used to do that. Never used to feel the need – the automatic need – to sigh at anything.
As I, again stand quietly for a moment at the front door, the love for life is grey.
And I feel so very sad.
NICHOLAS PENN’s single ‘Cigarettes for the Homeless’ evokes a very basic reaction to our emotions, and it’s just a beautiful testament to his lyrics and presentation. Nicholas’ delivery and vocal arrangement, depict the inevitability in that particular situation, but at the flip of the coin, acceptance is the order of the day.
Simple, nurtured, and beautiful.